Flip through my texts and thoughts
Music.
Noises and such that I enjoy, sorted by genre. Maybe I'll make a table to sort by genre and mood one day, although that sounds like a lot of work.... so much work..... ourgh. i am not a programmer i am not a programmer i am not a
Alt Rock
cold weather by glass beach
Denny's Garage by Peach Pit
Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology) by The Strokes (cover)
Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks by Panic! At The Disco
Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore
Running Out Of Time by Paramore
Welcome to Japan by The Strokes
Dream/Psychedelic Pop
Kepler-22b by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizzard
Kyoto by Phoebe Bridgers
Presumably Dead Arm (617 Sessions) by Sidney Gish
Pretty Old Man by No Buses
Vickie by Peach Pit
Hyper Pop
Bloodstains by 100 gecs
Doritos & Fritos by 100 gecs
Stupid (Can't run from the urge) by underscores
Indie Rock
Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan
Half Love by Red Hearse
Kick It to Me by Sammy Rae & The Friends
Nobody Loves You by Similar Kind
Painkiller by Beach Bunny
Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club
Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
Japanese Pop
Math/Prog Rock
Downstream by Nyu.
First Kiss by Strawberry Girls
methane hydrate by bungeitengoku
Peggy by Orchards
Pop Punk/Rock
HONEY (ARE YOU COMING?) by Maneskin
New Perspective by Panic! At The Disco
Props & Mayhem by Pierce The Viel
Stupid For You by Waterparks
Title Track, The by Origami Angel
With You Around by Yellowcard
You Only Live Once by The Strokes
Journal.
"Poems" and prose and words and thoughts. Woes and wishes and wonders and such. Love letters and unspoken poops idk
Next entry
20.06.2024
a box of letters I never delivered
a book of photos I called scrapbooking
(I just wanted to look through every image of you)
a folder of bookmarked posts, most about Yakuza
a playlist, or three, of songs that have something to do with you
a room that smells sort of musky, sort of like garlic
a bathtub that has pink mold in between the tiles
a sink with blue stains that climb up the mirror
a stovetop whose pot residue doesn't come off no matter how much multiuse cleaner we use
a 3d printer in a closet that's always busy
a trash can that's never empty that isn't sorted
a bottle of rain ex, probably still more than half full
23.5.2024
ray of gold, drop of sun
pierce through daydreamt musk
flare my lens magnolia and lilacs
sickly sweet, sweat to sheets
groggy wake and breath before
kiss me sweet and hold me tight
trail blazing, nape to neck
from satin, from cotton
16.04.2024
the fireworks, sky flowers—do you remember them?
I do, no more than I do you
not every day, but only when I see carnations,
a blood orange, or the red felt strip that protects my piano
the same colors that reflected off your eyes
the night we spent on the 13th floor of that silly hotel
above a crowd of friends and fiction
after a day of victories—first and second.
it was so loud. fanime was always loud
it was never too hard to focus on your voice
a gentle melody that cut through it all
you always loved rocks. all 76 of your rocks
but especially the one you kept in it's own special vial
an unassuming little mass of silver powder.
you refused to wear gold since it wasn't your color
I could argue the opposite.
do you remember the fireworks?
I could never forget them.
how you loved alkaline water, how you loved alkalinity
how you loved your bottled, silvery metal
and how all the fireworks that night
got your red from strontium
15.03.2024
sink helplessly into decandent bass
struck by hammers wavering heart and strings
, pulling
whispered through curtains of meshseeped melodies of sun, snow
glisten and dance laced in white daze
a daze under stars, the lune and movements split in thirds
for slumber and rest, we wane and I love you in between
number fingers, crest come on a slow ballad, hushed by wind
we fall to a hush as velvet curtains draw over an audience of none
the tides draw and crash,
dissonance
a blue melodies weeps over deep timbre that aches,
longs
perform for me
only for me
in an exchange of song and dance, step into glissando
your fluidity, wash me away
suds that pass the earth.
she drinks me away and I'll be gone
10.2.2024
16.1.2024
1.6.2023
12.11.2022
i’m losing your scent to the sheets i wrap myself in at night, who just as eagerly lap up your body, mimicking you and teasing me of your presence
- something about strawberries? or mustard or bread or mayonnaise on toast
17.10.2022
i love you
ay, with more than a million reasons behind it
i wonder if you’d understand what i mean
when i can’t even explain something as simple
as the meaning of “exacerbate”
i love you
i say, hoping to fulfill some more of this meaning
through kisses that i try my best
the channel just how large i feel for you
hopelessly, i’ll litter your face with sloppy kisses
because you tell me they make you feel loved
i love you
you’d respond, and i’d be okay if it was out of courtesy
but then you’d tell me so many other things
that will cause my mind to churn and sob and wonder
if you love me as much as
i love you
i’d say, with nothing but my whole being
it seems you’ve occupied all of my conscience:
in mind, body, and spirit
i don’t even believe in god
i love you
more than i can begin to explain
can i put into words the colors that explode from my soul when i look at you?
it’s more than all the flowers that have ever bloomed on earth
the feeling floods my body and i’m suspended in emotion
i love you
more than i love hair that grows out simply because someone mentioned not needing a haircut in passing
more than the smell of head and shoulders 2 in 1 with dandruff prevention
more than green, saturated pants
more than denim aprons in the summer
more than baja blast and taco bell diablo sauce for the first time
more than collared shirts because necks look naked without something there
i love you
the words flit across my mind over and over again
as you tell me about me, about you, about me
about us, all in some silly filipino accent
and all i can do it stare in admiration as you laugh at how funny you are
because you are funny
02.07.2022
it feels like dawn should break anytime soon. i’ve scrolled through the endless abyss that grants time travel, but it seems to be broken this morning. i am trapped here with no escape, knowing there is nothing i can take from this dreamscape. what do i make of the incessant thoughts? unwanted company ever berating me with ideas of being absolutely ruined—to be ravaged like a toy. i want merely to exist on any plane but human. i can indulge in the three digit dance. however, my secret passage is one that my identity even refuses. i know that i am repulsed by such actions, but tonight i need to be quenched. my mind has served to bivouac these foreign thoughts several soirées now, and what better finale than to go out with a blow, but i leave tonight yet another anticlimactic settling. i’ll leave my thoughts for another night. now, i go out to cvs, fearing my life and craving a deep slumber. tomorrow might be the day.
04.06.2022
my departure would leave but a whole in my own chest
or an unhallowed slice that knows no boundaries
because i’m not left handed
but you shouldn’t suspect my self-righteous suicide
your denial favors a homicide to take to the news
something to create a spectacle of your child
because your agape loves her with no bounds
but they’re not your child, for you’ve deprived them of nourishment
their body will go, following suit behind their mind and heart
and you? your unfamiliarity protects you
and that’s fine; it’s funny
what’s 19 years given but 19 weeks of context
through in-cohesion and mangled thoughts
you find sand that slips between string seekers
there is no upward trend